Woman Who Thinks Most People Are ‘Settling’ In Relationships Sparks Debate

A common adage on TikTok is “Don’t settle”—but how many people are actually doing just that?
A TikTok video posted by Jacqueline (@looks.by.jac) has gone viral for asking this question. In it, Jacqueline asked TikTok users whether most people are “settling” in their relationships or not. Since the video was posted, it has received 670,000 views. Newsweek spoke to Michaela Lambert, founder and transformational love coach at Your Second Soulmate, for her opinion.
In the video, Jacqueline posed a direct question to her audience: “How many people do you think are just settling in their relationships? Because I feel like it’s a lot.”
Jacqueline went on to say she sees many relationships where one partner is “putting up with stuff she should not be putting up with,” and ended with a question: “How many people are living a lie just because they don’t want to be alone?”
Her blunt take went viral, with many in the comments agreeing, while others debated whether “settling” was necessarily a bad thing.
“95-99 percent. Most people are afraid to be alone,” @amanda__abby wrote.
“Girl, you are speaking facts,” @fateha_aaa wrote. “People want someone as their trophy but deep down they are not even happy with the person they choose.”
Not everyone agreed that settling is inherently a bad thing, though: “We all settle at one point, even if it’s with the right person. There’s nothing wrong with settling. If we always have that mindset that settling is a bad thing, then we’ll forever be ‘searching,'” @krisppy_creme wrote.
Michaela Lambert told Newsweek that while Jacqueline’s concerns might resonate with many, she believes the issue is more complex.
“The TikToker’s assertion that most people are ‘settling’ in relationships may ring true for some couples. However, I find it to be a gross oversimplification, as it overlooks the aspirations of many women who are deliberately prioritizing their independence and standards, rather than settle for less-than-they-deserve partnerships,” Lambert said.
Lambert, who specializes in coaching independent midlife women, said she has observed a growing trend of people choosing to remain single rather than compromise on their relationship standards.
“Rather than fearing loneliness, they are confidently choosing to remain single until they find a partner who meets their expectations,” she said. “If there is any fear, it’s a fear of settling for a relationship that’s less than they deserve.”
Still, Jacqueline’s video has definitely tapped into a broader conversation about the narratives around self-worth that shape relationship choices. Lambert said that beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never find someone who truly loves me” can lead to settling for less-than-ideal relationships. She emphasized the importance of challenging limiting beliefs for anyone seeking a genuine and fulfilling partnership.
Ultimately, Lambert said, the decision to stay single or enter into a committed relationship is deeply personal—what’s most important is that people feel empowered and able to make choices that align with their values and life goals.
Newsweek reached out to @looks.by.jac for comment via TikTok.